My mind and heart have led me away from the chronicle order type post that I seemed to have started. I will get back to that soon though. Today I wanted to touch on the subject of sibling rivalry type of topic. My boys are adults so I don't mean it as the type that has them fighting over who owns which Tonka truck, although I been there done that too! As a mother we worry and think about all of our children all of the time, but I feel that I may come across that I ONLY do this for my soldier son. I am always counting down to when Jake comes home for a visit or I am always waiting for that next phone call from him. Last Christmas was our first one without having him home with the family. For me the day sucked. I didn't give a hoot that it was Christmas. Why did I feel that way? I had my oldest son there for it all.
I know I love both of my boys equally. Us mothers don't really have favorites even though our kids believe we do! There isn't anything I wouldn't do for either of them. When I am fortunate enough to be spending time with one of the boys I find my entire body is more at ease and calmer. Having them both together with me is just an amazing feeling! I have learned in the last 2 years just how special it is to have time with both of my boys together. I regret taking that luxury for granted for so many years as they were growing up.
Our entire family made the trip for Jake's BCT graduation. That will be another post for sure someday! So anyway, when I had them both together back at the hotel watching them just do a simple thing like swimming in the pool, I was just glowing with happiness. This summer we were fortunate enough to have both boys go camping with us for a week while Jake was home on leave. Heaven for me! We seem to make "special" plans when he is home. How do I know that these special plans aren't hurting my other son's feelings? It feels special to me because of having them both around, but that doesn't mean that is how it is perceived.
So Moms I am looking to know that I am "normal". Yikes I might want to be careful what I ask for. Hahaha! How do you all juggle having that constant nagging tug at you about your soldier that is away and balancing the concern and worry for your children closer to you? I am expecting this to magnify 10X for me in the next coming few months so I need to get my head wrapped around it beforehand. We are going to go through the entire holiday season without having Jake with us again. How do we keep family traditions and functions going for our children that are here?
Maybe I just need to not over think it! Help me Moms!
Sending lots of love to you, your family, and your Soldier,
Faith
I have not had the misfortune of not having one of my kids not with us at the holidays. But every year I fear it. You know as well as I do, that we can make plans and have high hopes that our soldier will be home for the holidays, and then those hopes can be squashed in a heartbeat. I am already thinking, and assuming, that Emily will be home for Christamas this year, but my husband, being the realist he is, reminds me to not get my hopes up too high, the army owns her, and if they say no Christmas off, then so be it. Anyway, I totally understand the sibling thing, and maybe one child feeling slighted. I worry about this with my son, Emily's younger brother.
ReplyDeleteOf course I love them to death equally, but for different qualities. Unfortunately for my son, it seems our attention has been mainstreamed toward Emily, all of his life. She was, and still is, a bit more of a challenge than Christopher. He is my easy going, no worry child. She never was. I focused a lot of energy on Emily when she was living here because I had to. She was a kid who could get off the straight and narrow very easily. Fortunately for Christopher, he IS the younger child and still in high school, so now with her being gone. he gets 100% of my attention (not that he always enjoys that!).
I do find myself at times though still "obsessing" about what is going on with Emily, as she still remains a challenge for me! Fortunately, Emily and Christopher are very close now, and he looks forward to her visits and us visiting her as much as we do! The first holiday (mainly Christmas) that we have to spend without her will be VERY difficult! It has always been my very favorite time of the year because we, and my extended family, are very family-oriented at Christmas season. Lots of parties, visits, fun. I know Emily will not be here some year to celebrate with us, and I know I will be devastated. But I cannot ruin the tradition for my son by being gloomy, so this will pose a challenge for me. I can only imagine how you felt not having Jake home at Christmas. I am fortunate that my son is pretty wise beyond his years, and I am pretty certain he does not feel slighted when I start obsessing about his sister. But I think your post of actually bringing this subject to the surface will have me thinking twice when I find myself going on about Emily in front of Christopher. Very good point Faith. Thanks for bringing this subject up. I absolutely love this blog by the way!!
Oh my gosh Lauren I am so touched by your post. No matter what the situation is, knowing we "aren't alone" in it always makes it so much better. Thank you for making me not feel alone on this one. I came across your blog...ever thought of having a go at it again? Thank you for your support! Faith.
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