So the holiday has come and gone. Wish I could say mine was filled with everything I had hoped for. Wish I could say that I was surrounded by all of my family and friends. Wish that I could say I was filled with the Christmas spirit.
In all the days leading up to his deployment date and right up to Christmas Day I had never entertained the idea that I would not at the very least be able to wish him a Merry Christmas on the day in some form. It didn't happen though. I went to bed Christmas night with such a heavy heart. As a parent I just never thought that I wouldn't be wishing my youngest son a Merry Christmas.
Of course I know that he knows we love and miss him and that we thought of him non-stop all during the holiday. It just isn't the same though. I feel cheated out of such a simple wish....to say to your child, "I wish you a Merry Christmas." Uggghhhhh. The simple thing to many I know shouldn't be upsetting me so, but it did.
It offered a really big lesson. I never really gave such a gesture the worth that it really deserves. Being able to tell my son yesterday, "Merry Christmas" would have been priceless.
I did have a day with some memories, some laughs, and for sure found pleasure in seeing other family members. Christmas 2012 though will be one that I will not ever forget.
Lots of love to you, your Soldier, and your families,
Faith
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tragedy in CT
I like all of you heard the first reports of the shootings in CT while going about my everyday normal events on Friday. I listened with maybe half my attention at first. The news channel was my background noise as it is most days while doing my daily chores. When that image came across the screen of those little children leaving the school with their arms all on each others back and their eyes closed and that one girl in the middle of the line just scared and crying so much came on....wow....it grabbed all of my attention at that moment. I sat down and didn't move myself away from the news reports until much later in the day.
Tears streamed down my face as the report came in that yes, little children were shot and killed in that school. 20 little babies. Children. What? No, we don't do that in our country. They must have it wrong. They will find out the reports were wrong and let us know. It didn't happen that way. It now appears that the news reports sorta built us up to that dreadful final death toll. Easing us in to the reality of what did just take place in a little small safe community here in our country.
My heart hurt. My chest physically ached and my stomach felt sick. As a mother, as a citizen, as someone who believes that we are still the best country there is, I couldn't wrap my mind around that unimaginable thing just happened there.
My mind thought about my own son's. I thought about as an Army Mom as much we don't say it, we all live with knowing that every day our son is in harms way. Everyday I know I could lose him. It is just how we live now. It is the choice he made. He is doing what he wants to do. He is in harms way, but yet he is armed, he is trained, he is doing what he is supposed to be doing. If anything ever ever ever was to happen to him, I would be completely beside myself....but it would be such a different feeling than what those mothers are going thru right now in CT. Their babies were doing what they wanted to do also....they probably skipped and laughed and joked all the way to school that morning. That age loves school! They wanted to be there. No one ever EVER thinks while dropping their child off at school that they won't be alive when school is released later that day. That is what I kept thinking all day....as an Army Mom I have that thought....but as a mom of a kindergarten student I never did. I realize that folks say you can't think of the worst happening even to our Soldiers. I get that and I agree. But my point is in seeing the difference in how some parents have those thoughts of loss come to them and try to deal with them and wonder how we would react and how we would feel...we prepare for the worst knowing and praying that it will never happen. Those mothers that morning the worst thing they had in their mind was maybe their child would be pushed down on the play ground or something....not what happened.
I continue to watch the news. I will continue to hear the stories of those that were taken from us that day. I do this not to welcome the sadness, but to honor and respect the loss of lives. If it were my child, I would want you all to see their faces, see the people that they were....it is the least I can do. \
I don't know what each one of us can do to prevent this from ever happening again, but I hope we figure it out soon. No parent should ever have to bury their child. No family should ever have to go thru that pain.
Do something good. Do something positive. Share a smile. Share something somehow....let's all do something in a way that honors the lives lost. Work at making this world the place that those little children believed it was.
Much love to you all, your Soldiers, and your families at this time.
Faith.
Tears streamed down my face as the report came in that yes, little children were shot and killed in that school. 20 little babies. Children. What? No, we don't do that in our country. They must have it wrong. They will find out the reports were wrong and let us know. It didn't happen that way. It now appears that the news reports sorta built us up to that dreadful final death toll. Easing us in to the reality of what did just take place in a little small safe community here in our country.
My heart hurt. My chest physically ached and my stomach felt sick. As a mother, as a citizen, as someone who believes that we are still the best country there is, I couldn't wrap my mind around that unimaginable thing just happened there.
My mind thought about my own son's. I thought about as an Army Mom as much we don't say it, we all live with knowing that every day our son is in harms way. Everyday I know I could lose him. It is just how we live now. It is the choice he made. He is doing what he wants to do. He is in harms way, but yet he is armed, he is trained, he is doing what he is supposed to be doing. If anything ever ever ever was to happen to him, I would be completely beside myself....but it would be such a different feeling than what those mothers are going thru right now in CT. Their babies were doing what they wanted to do also....they probably skipped and laughed and joked all the way to school that morning. That age loves school! They wanted to be there. No one ever EVER thinks while dropping their child off at school that they won't be alive when school is released later that day. That is what I kept thinking all day....as an Army Mom I have that thought....but as a mom of a kindergarten student I never did. I realize that folks say you can't think of the worst happening even to our Soldiers. I get that and I agree. But my point is in seeing the difference in how some parents have those thoughts of loss come to them and try to deal with them and wonder how we would react and how we would feel...we prepare for the worst knowing and praying that it will never happen. Those mothers that morning the worst thing they had in their mind was maybe their child would be pushed down on the play ground or something....not what happened.
I continue to watch the news. I will continue to hear the stories of those that were taken from us that day. I do this not to welcome the sadness, but to honor and respect the loss of lives. If it were my child, I would want you all to see their faces, see the people that they were....it is the least I can do. \
I don't know what each one of us can do to prevent this from ever happening again, but I hope we figure it out soon. No parent should ever have to bury their child. No family should ever have to go thru that pain.
Do something good. Do something positive. Share a smile. Share something somehow....let's all do something in a way that honors the lives lost. Work at making this world the place that those little children believed it was.
Much love to you all, your Soldiers, and your families at this time.
Faith.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
A Hero and A Holiday
Here I am plugging at it still. Today my count is up to "day 17". I remember thinking I couldn't get thru one day of knowing he was in a war zone and here we are going on nearly 3 weeks now. I have been very fortunate to have fairly regular contact with him. I went three days without having us catch each other, but I was able to know thru his buddies with him that everything was okay and that it was just a matter of timing.
Our town welcomed home a Hero on Day 10. Our family has known this great young lady since she was a baby. She graduated from high school with our oldest son in 2007. Back this past June she was injured while serving in Afghanistan. Her unit suffered 3 loss of lives and several others injured. Helaina being one of the severely injured. It was with great pleasure that my husband and I participated in the convey that brought her across into our Town line. The Firetruck he was driving was decorated with a Flag that had an attached yellow ribbon on it. That yellow ribbon was made for me by my mother in law the week or so before Jake left. To me that flag, that ribbon, and that truck was us honoring our local Hero as well as honoring our own deployed Soldier.
Our town welcomed home a Hero on Day 10. Our family has known this great young lady since she was a baby. She graduated from high school with our oldest son in 2007. Back this past June she was injured while serving in Afghanistan. Her unit suffered 3 loss of lives and several others injured. Helaina being one of the severely injured. It was with great pleasure that my husband and I participated in the convey that brought her across into our Town line. The Firetruck he was driving was decorated with a Flag that had an attached yellow ribbon on it. That yellow ribbon was made for me by my mother in law the week or so before Jake left. To me that flag, that ribbon, and that truck was us honoring our local Hero as well as honoring our own deployed Soldier.
The day was filled with lots of emotions. I certainly haven't had to go thru what her family has gone thru, but I understand the excitement that they must have woke up with that morning. Her family was my first thought as the day began. They were bringing daughter home. Their child would be back in their house that night. Wow! Injured or not, that is something very hard to explain to those who aren't part of a military family.
My mind kept thinking all day how lucky our town was that she was being welcomed back home alive. I have watched way too many videos on YouTube of Soldiers who have huge parades and homecomings as their bodies are brought home to their families.
My thoughts would jump ahead and wonder how we would welcome our Soldier home. I kept thinking what if. What if it was him who got hurt. What if it was him that had under gone numerous surgeries and many more to go? What if he was being welcomed home like those in the YouTube videos? Lots of emotions ran thru me for sure all day long.
When I hugged her, I did so twice. I told her once was for her and once was for my own Soldier. She spoke softly in my ear, "I am keeping him in my thoughts." This beautiful young wounded Soldier just told me that she was thinking of my son. I know it shouldn't surprise me, cause all Soldiers look out for one another, but to hear her say that even in her days of struggle she is taking the time to think of Jake was very incredible. Perhaps that other hug was for my Jake...only it was coming from her and not to her.
Not sure I have much to share about our Thanksgiving Holiday. Our family traditions have changed so much over the recent years that I guess we dont' even have family traditions anymore :( A son joining the Army and parents wintering in Florida have made this Holiday not real big on my list anymore.
I felt confident that he was being fed well. It seems the military only gets press during football games on holidays...we see all the smiling soldiers eating lots and lots of food and we all watch thinking that things are "just fine" over there. Ya well, tell that to the parents of the 4 military personnel that were killed since Nov 18th in Afghanistan. 1 Sailor, 1 Marine and 2 Army Soldiers. It isn't just fine cause it is a Holiday.
So ya, Thanksgiving came and we ate some food and I watched the Macy's parade, but it wasn't the same...by now I usually am all decorated for Christmas. Not this year. I keep having to re-convince myself everyday that I am even going to do it. Holidays are best when shared with those you love....how do you do them when they are so far away from home? I know I need to just make the best of it....I will do it, but sorry, some days I want to whine about it :)
Hoping that you all are doing well and as usual, always sending love to you and your Soldier.
Faith
Monday, November 19, 2012
All The Wondering
Stay busy, stay busy, and stay busy. Yup, great advice, thanks. It really doesn't help! An off and on button for my mind would be much more useful. I can't keep my mind focused long enough to write a simple blog post, fold laundry, or even shower without having it be consumed with questions, wonders, and worries.
Is he cold, is he tired, is he hungry?
Are they on the move, are they moving towards danger, are they being shot at?
Has he already seen something that totally freaked him out?
Is he really as prepared as he needed to be?
We are on Day 9 of this first deployment. I was very fortunate to have contact with him several times during the first week. It hasn't been the same on this second week though. I don't go but 2 minutes without looking for the "green dot" on Facebook. I am constantly looking at and picking up my phone. I went outside today for barely a minute without my phone and when I discovered that I had left it inside I nearly got sick. It shook me up stupidly! What if he had called though during that time? What if I had missed him for who knows how long? Well course he hadn't.
I still don't know that I will be able to offer any real constructive positive ways to survive a deployment of your child. I have made it to nearly double digit days though :) One step at a time I guess.
Love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
Is he cold, is he tired, is he hungry?
Are they on the move, are they moving towards danger, are they being shot at?
Has he already seen something that totally freaked him out?
Is he really as prepared as he needed to be?
We are on Day 9 of this first deployment. I was very fortunate to have contact with him several times during the first week. It hasn't been the same on this second week though. I don't go but 2 minutes without looking for the "green dot" on Facebook. I am constantly looking at and picking up my phone. I went outside today for barely a minute without my phone and when I discovered that I had left it inside I nearly got sick. It shook me up stupidly! What if he had called though during that time? What if I had missed him for who knows how long? Well course he hadn't.
I still don't know that I will be able to offer any real constructive positive ways to survive a deployment of your child. I have made it to nearly double digit days though :) One step at a time I guess.
Love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
It Is Real
My phone rang in the early hours of the morning today. 4am. On the other end of a muffled noisy line was my Soldier :) It ranked up there as being as awesome as his first call home while at boot camp. I had been able to sort of follow him the last few days via his buddies on Facebook, but having contact directly from him was a super sweet deal.
The call was brief. It confirmed that an odd feeling I had been having all day was right. I told my husband that I felt during the day that our son was traveling again. All day I had this nagging tug in me that was saying "he is on the move". I just knew it. I don't know how, but I did. When he called he confirmed that they in deed moved from the Mana's Transit Center to their current location in Afghanistan. He still isn't at his final destination, but he is now in Afghanistan.
Wow. Yup, he is now in Afghanistan. That is all I could think of when I hung up. Thought of it enough so that it made me feel sick. There really are no words to describe the sinking feeling that a Mother feels when it is confirmed that her baby is in a war zone. It is real.
His day to day care is out of my hands. It has been for several years. I have come to know this and I have come to accept it. To this point I have known that his day to day care was in his own hands. He has gotten himself up, he has done his own laundry, he has been responsible for his own actions during each day. I don't pretend to be a die hard bible thumping Christian. But I do know that from the moment I hung up the phone until the moment I wrap my arms around him again...I will find comfort in knowing that his day to day care is in the hands of God. I am consumed with thoughts of not really caring if his clothes are clean or if he is brushing his teeth...I just want him to arrive home, safe and sound as soon as we can have him back. :)
He has a duty and a mission to do. It is a real mission and he takes all of it very serious. I don't wish him to come back home today...that wouldn't accomplish his mission that he is ready and set to do. I am okay with him there doing his job. I am okay with him there alongside his battle buddies looking out for each other as they accomplish their duties. I am okay with relying on Facebook, an occasional phone call, some Skype, and maybe a hand written letter from him every now and then.
It is real. We will get thru each day as it comes. I will do it the best way I can.
As always, I am sending love and support to you, your family and your Soldiers.
Love, Faith
The call was brief. It confirmed that an odd feeling I had been having all day was right. I told my husband that I felt during the day that our son was traveling again. All day I had this nagging tug in me that was saying "he is on the move". I just knew it. I don't know how, but I did. When he called he confirmed that they in deed moved from the Mana's Transit Center to their current location in Afghanistan. He still isn't at his final destination, but he is now in Afghanistan.
Wow. Yup, he is now in Afghanistan. That is all I could think of when I hung up. Thought of it enough so that it made me feel sick. There really are no words to describe the sinking feeling that a Mother feels when it is confirmed that her baby is in a war zone. It is real.
His day to day care is out of my hands. It has been for several years. I have come to know this and I have come to accept it. To this point I have known that his day to day care was in his own hands. He has gotten himself up, he has done his own laundry, he has been responsible for his own actions during each day. I don't pretend to be a die hard bible thumping Christian. But I do know that from the moment I hung up the phone until the moment I wrap my arms around him again...I will find comfort in knowing that his day to day care is in the hands of God. I am consumed with thoughts of not really caring if his clothes are clean or if he is brushing his teeth...I just want him to arrive home, safe and sound as soon as we can have him back. :)
He has a duty and a mission to do. It is a real mission and he takes all of it very serious. I don't wish him to come back home today...that wouldn't accomplish his mission that he is ready and set to do. I am okay with him there doing his job. I am okay with him there alongside his battle buddies looking out for each other as they accomplish their duties. I am okay with relying on Facebook, an occasional phone call, some Skype, and maybe a hand written letter from him every now and then.
It is real. We will get thru each day as it comes. I will do it the best way I can.
As always, I am sending love and support to you, your family and your Soldiers.
Love, Faith
Some helpful Holiday Links
Since my Soldier will be gone for all the big major Holidays I have been paying extra attention to any programs, links, and resources that you may find helpful for you and/or your Soldier. I welcome hearing about others that you use.
http://uso.rocketlifeproduction.com/
How It Works
1. Fill out the form to get your promo code and a link to launch the RocketLife software.
2. Load your pictures and see them transformed into amazing layouts.
3. Customize every detail or let RocketLife’s Smart Arrangement™ technology do it for you.
4. If desired, copy your book design to posters, puzzles, mugs, cards, calendars, and more.
5. Enter your code at checkout to get your free photo book. (Any additional purchases benefit the work of the USO.)
This is a free picture handbook that you can create and will be ordered and shipped for free to any Soldier with an APO/FPO/MPO address!
This is a link to a site that offers a location for you to send an online Holiday greeting to your Soldier.
I encourage everyone to contact their local VFW, Amvets, or American Legion to see what programs that is happening your own local area. The mailing of cards, care packages, Trees for Troops, and food baskets for local Veterans are all programs that can always use extra hands to help.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Day 3
My laundry is done. My dishes are done. My bathrooms are cleaned. My floors vacuumed. My supper is done. Ugh. All that done before Noon. Going to be a long day. This "try to stay busy" stuff makes for a clean yummy smelling house, but there is only so much cleaning I really want to do :)
I am pretty tired. I haven't done well with sleeping when it is my time to sleep. A fellow Army Mom cautioned me that we can't stay up during our daytime and theirs over there. If I had made it a few more hours last night though, I would have been on the computer when he sent me a message. It was a nice surprise this morning to wake up to though.
I so far have been really lucky that his buddies have posted a few pics and a few status updates on Facebook. They are currently in a "hold over" transit center. I am anticipating some time while they are all en route that I won't have that luxury of updates and pics.
Just having him at the early stages of the deployment has created such constant thoughts that seem to pop up on the back burners in my mind steady. In just 3 days I can already look at our time and instantly convert it to what time it is for him.
I think I am doing okay though :) I had visions of not even functioning....lol and hek my house hasn't been this clean in ages, so guess I ain't doing too bad!
Catch ya later with more thoughts....
Love,
Faith
I am pretty tired. I haven't done well with sleeping when it is my time to sleep. A fellow Army Mom cautioned me that we can't stay up during our daytime and theirs over there. If I had made it a few more hours last night though, I would have been on the computer when he sent me a message. It was a nice surprise this morning to wake up to though.
I so far have been really lucky that his buddies have posted a few pics and a few status updates on Facebook. They are currently in a "hold over" transit center. I am anticipating some time while they are all en route that I won't have that luxury of updates and pics.
Just having him at the early stages of the deployment has created such constant thoughts that seem to pop up on the back burners in my mind steady. In just 3 days I can already look at our time and instantly convert it to what time it is for him.
I think I am doing okay though :) I had visions of not even functioning....lol and hek my house hasn't been this clean in ages, so guess I ain't doing too bad!
Catch ya later with more thoughts....
Love,
Faith
Monday, November 12, 2012
On His Way
This particular post has been started and erased at least 15 times. Very strange to have a mind and heart so full of emotions but not able to find words to discuss them. My anticipation for the day that he left for deployment had been building and building for some time. We said our "see ya next year" the week before at the Airport, but yet right up til that day we told him we would make it down there before he left if he changed his mind about wanting us down there. As torn as I was about his choice to not have us there, he was most likely very right in saying that it would have been just too hard at the time. It took all the strength from my big toe to the top of my head that is in my body to not completely fall apart while on the phone with him as he was preparing to leave. I didn't get as upset as I thought I might and I hope that I didn't get as upset as he thought I might. I shared with him that I didn't have any big major thing to say to him that I hadn't already said. I told him that he didn't have to accomplish any great mission while over there to be a Hero cause he was already one of those in my eyes. And lastly I told him that I loved him so much more than he can possibly ever imagine.
We shared a few chuckles about silly stupid things like Jake and I always do. Even though he was many miles away and I couldn't see his face, I could tell that his own anticipation and certain amount of anxiety was growing in him. That was really tough. As a Mother my job is to comfort him, build him up, and protect him...how in hek do I do that over the phone as he is preparing to leave for a war zone?! Not sure that I did it, but I sure gave it my best shot.
I went to bed that night with so many thoughts in my mind. For the first time my baby would be not in the same country as me. I had dealt with the whole different state thing back during boot camp....but out of our Country? No. That I had not come to grips with. I still haven't.
For the first time my baby would be in a place where I could not get to him. No matter what state he had been to since joining the Army his father and I had been to see him. That is no longer an option. My baby will lay his eyes on things and places that I will never see. Never before did I spend the night worrying so much as I did that night on whether I had done enough "mothering". Is he ready? Did I give him enough support? Have I helped him become strong enough to do this? And the biggest worry...no matter where he is will he know that he isn't alone?
When I awoke I discovered that he was in a country that I had never even known existed. Couldn't pronounce it, let alone begin to spell it!
So I am on Day 2...still very uneasy about these same worries. I don't know how I will get thru all the days ahead. One thing is for certain though, I will get thru them...and when this deployment is done I will have the ability to look back and have some answers :)
In the meantime, I look forward to sharing the journey with you all who take the time to read my posts. I have been so touched over the last few days by how many from my Facebook fan page have typed messages of support. The Army Family is a strong one. I am so proud to be a part of it.
Lots of love to you, your family, and your Soldier.
((hugs)) Faith
We shared a few chuckles about silly stupid things like Jake and I always do. Even though he was many miles away and I couldn't see his face, I could tell that his own anticipation and certain amount of anxiety was growing in him. That was really tough. As a Mother my job is to comfort him, build him up, and protect him...how in hek do I do that over the phone as he is preparing to leave for a war zone?! Not sure that I did it, but I sure gave it my best shot.
I went to bed that night with so many thoughts in my mind. For the first time my baby would be not in the same country as me. I had dealt with the whole different state thing back during boot camp....but out of our Country? No. That I had not come to grips with. I still haven't.
For the first time my baby would be in a place where I could not get to him. No matter what state he had been to since joining the Army his father and I had been to see him. That is no longer an option. My baby will lay his eyes on things and places that I will never see. Never before did I spend the night worrying so much as I did that night on whether I had done enough "mothering". Is he ready? Did I give him enough support? Have I helped him become strong enough to do this? And the biggest worry...no matter where he is will he know that he isn't alone?
When I awoke I discovered that he was in a country that I had never even known existed. Couldn't pronounce it, let alone begin to spell it!
So I am on Day 2...still very uneasy about these same worries. I don't know how I will get thru all the days ahead. One thing is for certain though, I will get thru them...and when this deployment is done I will have the ability to look back and have some answers :)
In the meantime, I look forward to sharing the journey with you all who take the time to read my posts. I have been so touched over the last few days by how many from my Facebook fan page have typed messages of support. The Army Family is a strong one. I am so proud to be a part of it.
Lots of love to you, your family, and your Soldier.
((hugs)) Faith
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Staying strong
The visit has come and past. One of the things I love the most about having him home is that as soon as he lands here it feels like he has never left. I always hope that it will continue that way. The visit wasn't filled with plans every day, it wasn't filled with agenda's, it was filled with just letting him be him. It was filled with me loving him being him.
We had to do the required legal "stuff". I got the uncomfortable questions out of the way his very first night home. My wish was to get it all done immediately so that we wouldn't be dealing with such sad dreadful issues near the end of his visit. It felt strange to me that we are constantly told to stay strong. Focus on all the good and positive thoughts only. Yet here we are talking about wills, burial plots, power of attorney's and his survival with our 20 year old son. We did it, it is done, we stayed strong.
My oldest son works for a tree removal company. With the arrival of Hurricane Sandy it created a bit of a wrinkle. My oldest son called me mid week and told me he was headed within the hour to New York and would be gone for up to 2 weeks. That meant that I wouldn't have any more time this visit with having both my boys together. Boom. That hit me hard. I rushed with our Soldier to a parking lot where his brother promised he wouldn't leave until we got there. I stood and watched my boys say "cya later". I won't share their actual words exchanged because that should be kept private between them, but I will share that it was a sight that as a Mother filled me with such pride and overwhelming sadness all at once. "See ya next year." Since it is November, next year isn't that far away...but in this case "next year" is what seems like a lifetime away.
I had waited a bit before I had planned his going away party. So course it was fitting that it wasn't planned until the day before he left. I am not a last minute person, but in this case it felt right making it delayed as long as possible. To say that we had a nice turn out would be putting it mildly. I was and still am so amazed at the amount of people who came to wish him well. Friends and family filled the garage all afternoon. Lots of food was brought in. Lots of pictures were taken. It was a happy gathering. I had kept wondering how I would get thru such an event. As it turns out the old saying about being stronger than we think for is really true.
I am an only child and my husbands one brother and one sister isn't close with my two boys. Yet on this day I looked around the building and realized that my Soldier had many Uncle and Aunt figures there supporting him. My husband and I are surrounded with an incredible core group of friends that have adopted our Soldier as their own nephew. Family isn't about blood. Family is about love.
That afternoon of the party one of my friends who has been thru sending a son off to war repeated to me several times, "You will be strong for him in the morning because he needs you to be." I kept saying and thinking that I just didn't know how I could be. I doubted myself and my ability to physically release my arms from his neck and turn and walk away. She kept reassuring me that I would in fact do it.
I don't feel just yet today that I can fully express my feelings and that morning of the "drop off" at the airport. I can tell you though that I am proud of myself for staying much stronger than I had thought I would. My friend was right, I did it because it was the best option for him. I did shed a few tears, but I didn't fall completely apart like I had once thought I might! As a Mother I made the choice to do what he needed.
Army Mom Strong isn't just a slogan for me.
I have missed my blog. I will keep sharing. I thank you for supporting me in the many messages and well wishes that I have received. The journey is just beginning and I am very thankful for having you all along for it. :)
Love, Faith
We had to do the required legal "stuff". I got the uncomfortable questions out of the way his very first night home. My wish was to get it all done immediately so that we wouldn't be dealing with such sad dreadful issues near the end of his visit. It felt strange to me that we are constantly told to stay strong. Focus on all the good and positive thoughts only. Yet here we are talking about wills, burial plots, power of attorney's and his survival with our 20 year old son. We did it, it is done, we stayed strong.
My oldest son works for a tree removal company. With the arrival of Hurricane Sandy it created a bit of a wrinkle. My oldest son called me mid week and told me he was headed within the hour to New York and would be gone for up to 2 weeks. That meant that I wouldn't have any more time this visit with having both my boys together. Boom. That hit me hard. I rushed with our Soldier to a parking lot where his brother promised he wouldn't leave until we got there. I stood and watched my boys say "cya later". I won't share their actual words exchanged because that should be kept private between them, but I will share that it was a sight that as a Mother filled me with such pride and overwhelming sadness all at once. "See ya next year." Since it is November, next year isn't that far away...but in this case "next year" is what seems like a lifetime away.
I had waited a bit before I had planned his going away party. So course it was fitting that it wasn't planned until the day before he left. I am not a last minute person, but in this case it felt right making it delayed as long as possible. To say that we had a nice turn out would be putting it mildly. I was and still am so amazed at the amount of people who came to wish him well. Friends and family filled the garage all afternoon. Lots of food was brought in. Lots of pictures were taken. It was a happy gathering. I had kept wondering how I would get thru such an event. As it turns out the old saying about being stronger than we think for is really true.
I am an only child and my husbands one brother and one sister isn't close with my two boys. Yet on this day I looked around the building and realized that my Soldier had many Uncle and Aunt figures there supporting him. My husband and I are surrounded with an incredible core group of friends that have adopted our Soldier as their own nephew. Family isn't about blood. Family is about love.
That afternoon of the party one of my friends who has been thru sending a son off to war repeated to me several times, "You will be strong for him in the morning because he needs you to be." I kept saying and thinking that I just didn't know how I could be. I doubted myself and my ability to physically release my arms from his neck and turn and walk away. She kept reassuring me that I would in fact do it.
I don't feel just yet today that I can fully express my feelings and that morning of the "drop off" at the airport. I can tell you though that I am proud of myself for staying much stronger than I had thought I would. My friend was right, I did it because it was the best option for him. I did shed a few tears, but I didn't fall completely apart like I had once thought I might! As a Mother I made the choice to do what he needed.
Army Mom Strong isn't just a slogan for me.
I have missed my blog. I will keep sharing. I thank you for supporting me in the many messages and well wishes that I have received. The journey is just beginning and I am very thankful for having you all along for it. :)
Love, Faith
Thursday, October 25, 2012
THE Visit
Each visit that Jake has had home since June of 2010 has been filled with great excitement and anticipation. THIS visit comes with excitement, anticipation, and a whole bunch of underlying feelings. The joy of having him home seems to be sharing the spotlight with the buried feelings of worry and dread in me. Each day I know we are getting closer to the big day. Each day I find myself trying to distancing myself from the reality of it.
I have read the "Army Family Deployment Readiness" booklet he brought home. I have had to discuss things with my son that no parent ever wants to talk about with their children. I have done the planning for the big send off party. What I haven't done yet is figure out how in hell I am going to release my arms from his neck when the day arrives.
Maybe I can convince myself he is heading off back to his duty station just like last time. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just down south and that I just can't go see him there for longer than I ever have in the past. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just in his hanger with all his buddies safe and sound all winter long.
Ya, maybe.
I'll let ya know how that goes.
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
I have read the "Army Family Deployment Readiness" booklet he brought home. I have had to discuss things with my son that no parent ever wants to talk about with their children. I have done the planning for the big send off party. What I haven't done yet is figure out how in hell I am going to release my arms from his neck when the day arrives.
Maybe I can convince myself he is heading off back to his duty station just like last time. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just down south and that I just can't go see him there for longer than I ever have in the past. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just in his hanger with all his buddies safe and sound all winter long.
Ya, maybe.
I'll let ya know how that goes.
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
Friday, October 12, 2012
No Greater Love
I am a big fan of The Pentagon Channel. Friends and family will sometimes ask me why I watch so many military and news programs. Well this morning program called "No Greater Love" reaffirms why I do. So many of the programs touch me. They touch me as a mother, a wife, as an American...as a person.
This morning I watched a documentary about a couple who enjoyed 67 years of love. Young people who fell in love prior to WWII. They both found themselves in the Army. Spent time apart. He was injured and spent a year and a half at Walter Reed in rehab.
All of you are wondering why this simple story would touch me so. It does so because it reflects so much the story of my own Grandparents. My maternal grandmother to say the least was everything to me. If I could become anyone in this life, it would be her that I would pick. She and my Grandpa fell in love prior to the war beginning. By the time he joined the Army they had started a family. So off he went leaving behind his new bride and young son.
He left one man and came back another. My Grandpa was wounded in a tank explosion while he was serving as a combat medic. He suffered severe life threatening burns over his entire face and head. He was shipped home and spent a great deal of time at Walter Reed and then to another veterans facility in Boston. He underwent numerous skin grafts. He had both of his ears remade.
The story this morning made me stop and really think of just how incredibly hard that must have been for my grandmother as well. Times were so different than. There wasn't skype. There wasn't sending of text messages. She went a long time before she saw my grandfather once he arrived back in the States. She didn't know how her husband was going to look or act when they were reunited. But she loved him. It didn't matter. She was home waiting for him and ready to fulfill the commitment they made to each other.
My Grandpa wouldn't hardly ever ever ever talk about his war memories. I always knew the scars on his face were minor compared to the scars you could see in his eyes at times. He was my Grandpa and I loved him as he was. I can still feel his rough bumpy skin on his cheeks. I kissed his rough cheeks with as much love as I kissed my Grammie's soft wrinkly ones :) I always had these great feelings of pride for him. I knew each scar represented his sacrifice and his commitment to our country.
So anyway, some ask why I watch The Pentagon Channel....well I ask, "Why do you not?"
This morning I watched a documentary about a couple who enjoyed 67 years of love. Young people who fell in love prior to WWII. They both found themselves in the Army. Spent time apart. He was injured and spent a year and a half at Walter Reed in rehab.
All of you are wondering why this simple story would touch me so. It does so because it reflects so much the story of my own Grandparents. My maternal grandmother to say the least was everything to me. If I could become anyone in this life, it would be her that I would pick. She and my Grandpa fell in love prior to the war beginning. By the time he joined the Army they had started a family. So off he went leaving behind his new bride and young son.
He left one man and came back another. My Grandpa was wounded in a tank explosion while he was serving as a combat medic. He suffered severe life threatening burns over his entire face and head. He was shipped home and spent a great deal of time at Walter Reed and then to another veterans facility in Boston. He underwent numerous skin grafts. He had both of his ears remade.
The story this morning made me stop and really think of just how incredibly hard that must have been for my grandmother as well. Times were so different than. There wasn't skype. There wasn't sending of text messages. She went a long time before she saw my grandfather once he arrived back in the States. She didn't know how her husband was going to look or act when they were reunited. But she loved him. It didn't matter. She was home waiting for him and ready to fulfill the commitment they made to each other.
My Grandpa wouldn't hardly ever ever ever talk about his war memories. I always knew the scars on his face were minor compared to the scars you could see in his eyes at times. He was my Grandpa and I loved him as he was. I can still feel his rough bumpy skin on his cheeks. I kissed his rough cheeks with as much love as I kissed my Grammie's soft wrinkly ones :) I always had these great feelings of pride for him. I knew each scar represented his sacrifice and his commitment to our country.
So anyway, some ask why I watch The Pentagon Channel....well I ask, "Why do you not?"
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Red Cross Holiday Cards For Heroes
Since my own Soldier will be in the sandbox during this upcoming Holiday Season I have already been given much thought on how I can still make it special for him and his unit while there during that time. Having them all receive lots and lots of cards will be something that I will work hard to accomplish here in my own local community.
Below I have copied and pasted the info that comes from the Red Cross on their national campaign for sending holiday cards.
--------------
All holiday greetings should be addressed and sent to:
Holiday Mail for Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456
The deadline for having cards to the P.O. Box is Friday, December 7th.
Holiday cards received after this date cannot be guaranteed delivery.
Below I have copied and pasted the info that comes from the Red Cross on their national campaign for sending holiday cards.
--------------
Each year the American Red Cross provides assistance to
more than 2 million service members and many of our nation’s 24 million
veterans. We support military families, military and veterans hospitals
and provide emergency communications across the globe. And once a year,
we get the joy of delivering holiday cards to veterans, military
families and active-duty service members at hospitals and installations
around the world.
The cards and
personal messages, sent by tens of thousands of Americans, provide a
welcome “touch of home” for our troops during the holiday season.
Each
year we collect cards between October and early December and then
distribute them at military installations, veterans hospitals, and in
other locations.
Throughout the
year, you can make a difference with a monetary gift to Help Military
Families through the Red Cross. Your donation can help change a military
family’s life. Donate Now.
There
are several ways to be part of the Holiday Mail for Heroes program. In
addition to sending cards on your own, you may want to start making
plans to host card signing parties or card making parties. Here are a
few guidelines to help you on your way:
Card Guidelines:
Every card received will be
screened for hazardous materials by Pitney Bowes and then reviewed by
Red Cross volunteers working around the country.
Please observe the following guidelines to ensure a quick reviewing process:
- Ensure that all cards are signed.
- Use generic salutations such as “Dear Service Member.” Cards addressed to specific individuals can not be delivered through this program.
- Only cards are being accepted. Do not send or include letters.
- Do not include email or home addresses on the cards: the program is not meant to foster pen pal relationships.
- Do not include inserts of any kind, including photos: these items will be removed during the reviewing process.
- Please refrain from choosing cards with glitter or using loose glitter as it can aggravate health issues of ill and injured warriors.
- If you are mailing a large quantity of cards, please bundle them and place them in large mailing envelopes or flat rate postal shipping boxes. Each card does not need its own envelope, as envelopes will be removed from all cards before distribution.
Holiday Mail for Heroes
P.O. Box 5456
Capitol Heights, MD 20791-5456
The deadline for having cards to the P.O. Box is Friday, December 7th.
Holiday cards received after this date cannot be guaranteed delivery.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Getting It Done
The days are clicking away. I finally decided it was time to stop avoiding the obvious...time to make some plans for our Soldiers "going away party." I decided I didn't like that name though....We are having a Wishing Him Well party instead.
I had the opportunity to talk to him last night on the phone. Those calls I cherish especially now since I know they will be few and far between in the coming months. We talk about silly crazy things one minute and then get on a serious subject and then back to a trivial point. I enjoy that with him. He and I have always just gabbed and talked about everything and anything. One of the things that I hope doesn't change.
In my own personal life I have struggled with "avoidance". When things get stressful or I feel overwhelmed, I tend to shut down and avoid everything and anything that I can. I am finding that I am leaning towards that tendency right now. I know I need to fight it, but I don't always do the things that I know I should do :) Who does, right?
I always get done what I need to though. I know my own defense mechanisms and I know how to tell em enough is enough. One part of avoiding things is this blog even. This sorta surprises me some though. I so enjoy the contacts I have made from this blog, but my mind totally relates the blog to his deployment. I created the blog when I found out about the upcoming deployment. Sorta strange that something I started doing to find strength has now been part of what adds to the overwhelming feelings.
As usual, thank you for reading my rants and my posts. Not sure any of this one makes sense, but it is my minds ramblins' of the afternoon. I hope you, your family, and your Soldier are all doing well.
Love and support always,
Faith
I had the opportunity to talk to him last night on the phone. Those calls I cherish especially now since I know they will be few and far between in the coming months. We talk about silly crazy things one minute and then get on a serious subject and then back to a trivial point. I enjoy that with him. He and I have always just gabbed and talked about everything and anything. One of the things that I hope doesn't change.
In my own personal life I have struggled with "avoidance". When things get stressful or I feel overwhelmed, I tend to shut down and avoid everything and anything that I can. I am finding that I am leaning towards that tendency right now. I know I need to fight it, but I don't always do the things that I know I should do :) Who does, right?
I always get done what I need to though. I know my own defense mechanisms and I know how to tell em enough is enough. One part of avoiding things is this blog even. This sorta surprises me some though. I so enjoy the contacts I have made from this blog, but my mind totally relates the blog to his deployment. I created the blog when I found out about the upcoming deployment. Sorta strange that something I started doing to find strength has now been part of what adds to the overwhelming feelings.
As usual, thank you for reading my rants and my posts. Not sure any of this one makes sense, but it is my minds ramblins' of the afternoon. I hope you, your family, and your Soldier are all doing well.
Love and support always,
Faith
Monday, October 1, 2012
A New Month
It has been a week since I posted a blog post. Ugh, sorry. I did it knowingly. I did it stupidly thinking that if I avoided the blog that October and the initial reason I started this blog may not happen. Guess what? October is here anyway. So much for that reasoning. It made much more sense a week ago (hahaha).
I really want him home for his upcoming visit, I really do. What I don't want is for him to leave from this upcoming visit. Phew, having October come around surely made that reality a reality though.
So I am back. My staying away plan didn't amount to crap :) This month is here and I will do the best to get thru this one and all the upcoming ones. They will all be easier with the support that comes from all fellow Army Mom's.
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier
Faith
October is breast cancer awareness month and I share this image in honor of a special friend of our family who we lost much too early to cancer.
She and her family helped shape our Soldier when he was a young little boy by being his day-care provider.
I really want him home for his upcoming visit, I really do. What I don't want is for him to leave from this upcoming visit. Phew, having October come around surely made that reality a reality though.
So I am back. My staying away plan didn't amount to crap :) This month is here and I will do the best to get thru this one and all the upcoming ones. They will all be easier with the support that comes from all fellow Army Mom's.
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier
Faith
October is breast cancer awareness month and I share this image in honor of a special friend of our family who we lost much too early to cancer.
She and her family helped shape our Soldier when he was a young little boy by being his day-care provider.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
What Not To Say To Us Mom's
Within the last couple of days I have come across a few friends that have during our conversation asked me about how my Soldier is doing. I always welcome the opportunity to talk about where and what he is doing. What I don't welcome is the often times silly things they will say back.
Both friends the last few days have been told about my son's upcoming big D. I have mentioned when approximately he will arrive there and a rough guess-stimate of when he will be back. Each one of them said back to me, "Well at least there isn't much happening over there right now."
SERIOUSLY? Did you just say that out loud to a mother who is worried beyond worried about sending her son off to a war zone? You seriously think that is helpful?
Let me give you all a hint....it isn't!
I won't even begin to give the numbers and statistics of the ongoing loss of lives and injuries that are happening every month over there...those of us who it effects, already know...but I would like to lash out and tell those who haven't a clue that maybe they should get more up on what is really happening in their country that effects those who are serving it.
I know that people are only trying to be helpful, kind and offer words that they think offer support, but that sentence doesn't do any of the above. It belittles a mother's worry and concern. It makes it seem like it is no big deal to have a Soldier heading off on a big D.
You know what would be a really good thing instead....reach out and offer a hug. Or look at us and tell us that you know that must be a very hard thing to face. Recognize our pain and worry and value it for what it is worth. So having said that, I am sure I am preaching to the choir because most all of you who read this blog are wearing the same shoes that I am wearing...that of a parent of a Soldier...but I had to vent and get it out of my system.
I hope that you have people who surround you with love, support and try to understand the good and bad days you have as being an Army Mom.
Lots of love,
Faith
Both friends the last few days have been told about my son's upcoming big D. I have mentioned when approximately he will arrive there and a rough guess-stimate of when he will be back. Each one of them said back to me, "Well at least there isn't much happening over there right now."
SERIOUSLY? Did you just say that out loud to a mother who is worried beyond worried about sending her son off to a war zone? You seriously think that is helpful?
Let me give you all a hint....it isn't!
I won't even begin to give the numbers and statistics of the ongoing loss of lives and injuries that are happening every month over there...those of us who it effects, already know...but I would like to lash out and tell those who haven't a clue that maybe they should get more up on what is really happening in their country that effects those who are serving it.
I know that people are only trying to be helpful, kind and offer words that they think offer support, but that sentence doesn't do any of the above. It belittles a mother's worry and concern. It makes it seem like it is no big deal to have a Soldier heading off on a big D.
You know what would be a really good thing instead....reach out and offer a hug. Or look at us and tell us that you know that must be a very hard thing to face. Recognize our pain and worry and value it for what it is worth. So having said that, I am sure I am preaching to the choir because most all of you who read this blog are wearing the same shoes that I am wearing...that of a parent of a Soldier...but I had to vent and get it out of my system.
I hope that you have people who surround you with love, support and try to understand the good and bad days you have as being an Army Mom.
Lots of love,
Faith
Monday, September 24, 2012
A Day to Ramble
Good ol Mondays. They stink most always. Today is no exception. Over the weekend a friend of ours killed himself. No warnings. No signs. No explanation left. I have found that it has left me thinking that far too many people don't value this life we all have. It has also made me have some cross thoughts about how our Soldiers face life and death everyday doing what they do and unfortunately some don't make it...and how I find it so screwy that someone would just toss their life away while someone else is fighting to keep not only theirs but those they serve to protect.
Sorta weird that one could argue that it is someone's right to take his own life...and "rights" are something that our Soldiers fight to ensure. I want to yell and scream and have everyone hear me say "We are such fortunate people!" Far too often people don't appreciate all that we are given here on a small local level as well as here in this Country as a whole. Don't waste it. Don't devalue it.
As each day ticks by and I see the calendar creeping closer to the big D day I find myself getting more preoccupied with worry and fear for his safety and for his life. So to have a friend make the choice to just toss life away angers me. I am grieving his loss, but I can't lie...I am angry! Young men and women are fighting everyday in the War to give others the right to live in a more democratic and free way of life...and here is someone I know tossing those rights that he already has aside. Frustrates and confuses me. It saddens me.
So I write today in frustration and in grief.
It makes me sad to think there are people who suffer with no hope. Many of our own Soldiers lose hope and take their own lives everyday in our country. The Army has created many new programs to raise awareness and to aid those in pain to reach out and seek help. Even in that moment of complete despair those hurting need to always remember that even if their life means nothing to them at that time, that their life means everything to someone else. Hope. There has to always be hope.
Sending you, your family, and your Soldiers love and support today.
Faith
Sorta weird that one could argue that it is someone's right to take his own life...and "rights" are something that our Soldiers fight to ensure. I want to yell and scream and have everyone hear me say "We are such fortunate people!" Far too often people don't appreciate all that we are given here on a small local level as well as here in this Country as a whole. Don't waste it. Don't devalue it.
As each day ticks by and I see the calendar creeping closer to the big D day I find myself getting more preoccupied with worry and fear for his safety and for his life. So to have a friend make the choice to just toss life away angers me. I am grieving his loss, but I can't lie...I am angry! Young men and women are fighting everyday in the War to give others the right to live in a more democratic and free way of life...and here is someone I know tossing those rights that he already has aside. Frustrates and confuses me. It saddens me.
So I write today in frustration and in grief.
It makes me sad to think there are people who suffer with no hope. Many of our own Soldiers lose hope and take their own lives everyday in our country. The Army has created many new programs to raise awareness and to aid those in pain to reach out and seek help. Even in that moment of complete despair those hurting need to always remember that even if their life means nothing to them at that time, that their life means everything to someone else. Hope. There has to always be hope.
Sending you, your family, and your Soldiers love and support today.
Faith
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Facebook Page
Just wanted to share the link to my Facebook fan page. I hope you find it another avenue to seek and share support and information with each other.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Army-Mom-Strong-by-Faith/139208379557007?ref=hl
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Army-Mom-Strong-by-Faith/139208379557007?ref=hl
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Books During Deployment
While mentally preparing myself for what is to come I have been searching for books. I wanted to share a few with you that have gone on my "to read" list. When I see others post about deployment their biggest tip is always to stay busy. Reading will be one of the ways that I stay busy.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/159851055X/ref=rdr_ext_tmb
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932311203/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=publishingalt-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1932311203
Any favorites or ones that you have found helpful, please let me know!
Faith
http://www.amazon.com/dp/159851055X/ref=rdr_ext_tmb
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1932311203/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=publishingalt-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=1932311203
Any favorites or ones that you have found helpful, please let me know!
Faith
Monday, September 17, 2012
Do I Have To Let Go
Okay, first off, I have admitted in at least 2 other posts that I may be a bit, as I call it, engaged, with my boys lives. Obsessive just sounds like something medically wrong...and being a loving caring mother can't be wrong. Second, these are days of great turmoil in the Middle East and are causing us Army Mom's to freak just a bit.
It isn't that I am trying to justify my worries. Well, okay, maybe I am. But do I have to?
We had anticipated call from Jake on Thursday night to his father. I had the pleasure of a really nice conversation with him the night before but his Dad wasn't home. Thursday came and went. Friday came and went. Saturday afternoon we got a message via Facebook saying his phone was broke. Super Mom to the rescue. I dropped everything I was doing and got on the phone with my cell phone carrier to make the problem right. I knew he had kept an old phone and all we needed was for them to turn that phone back on....easy enough...problem solved. Well course not. Because he is so far away from any of their towers they needed to have him call and walk him thru manually programming the other old phone to work. I sent him back all the info that he would need when he called in. I know my Jake. He doesn't go anywhere without his phone and he doesn't go to long or to far from his lap top, so I assumed he would get the info, call and take care of it fairly soon after I sent it to him. Well course not.
He didn't respond to my messages. I was pretty sure he hadn't logged online either. It wasn't until Monday mid-morning that I get a text from him saying that he hated his old phone! Ya well at that moment I coulda rung his neck! I didn't care that he hated his old phone, I wanted to ground him for not getting back with me for two days! Pretty sure I can't do that anymore though...not even sure I successfully did it before he joined the Army either :(
I spent the last two nights worrying and creating the most outrageous reasons for why he hadn't called in yet. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why do I automatically assume that he is wounded on the side of the road screaming out to his mother for help every time I don't hear from him? Why don't I assume he is out having fun with his buddies? (which is exactly what he was doing by the way)
This morning I sat and really gave thought to why I over inflated my worries this weekend. I believe it wasn't the fact that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days. I know it was my mind working on over time "pre-worrying" about his upcoming deployment. I was told on Wednesday (the night I talked to him) by his FRG that Wi-Fi and contact may be minimal when he arrives at his destination. That has weighed on my mind ever since. Obviously huh!!??
I wish I could promise to not over react again. I wish I could promise not to worry or stress. I can't, because I would be lying. What I can promise to do though is to always remember that anything that I have worried and stressed about has NEVER ever been any where near as bad as I had imagined in my mind. I will work on the other 2 though...but I can't promise big changes anytime to come right away. <3
Hoping you all had a good weekend and are in the middle of an even better Monday!
Faith
It isn't that I am trying to justify my worries. Well, okay, maybe I am. But do I have to?
We had anticipated call from Jake on Thursday night to his father. I had the pleasure of a really nice conversation with him the night before but his Dad wasn't home. Thursday came and went. Friday came and went. Saturday afternoon we got a message via Facebook saying his phone was broke. Super Mom to the rescue. I dropped everything I was doing and got on the phone with my cell phone carrier to make the problem right. I knew he had kept an old phone and all we needed was for them to turn that phone back on....easy enough...problem solved. Well course not. Because he is so far away from any of their towers they needed to have him call and walk him thru manually programming the other old phone to work. I sent him back all the info that he would need when he called in. I know my Jake. He doesn't go anywhere without his phone and he doesn't go to long or to far from his lap top, so I assumed he would get the info, call and take care of it fairly soon after I sent it to him. Well course not.
He didn't respond to my messages. I was pretty sure he hadn't logged online either. It wasn't until Monday mid-morning that I get a text from him saying that he hated his old phone! Ya well at that moment I coulda rung his neck! I didn't care that he hated his old phone, I wanted to ground him for not getting back with me for two days! Pretty sure I can't do that anymore though...not even sure I successfully did it before he joined the Army either :(
I spent the last two nights worrying and creating the most outrageous reasons for why he hadn't called in yet. Why do we do that? Why do I do that? Why do I automatically assume that he is wounded on the side of the road screaming out to his mother for help every time I don't hear from him? Why don't I assume he is out having fun with his buddies? (which is exactly what he was doing by the way)
This morning I sat and really gave thought to why I over inflated my worries this weekend. I believe it wasn't the fact that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days. I know it was my mind working on over time "pre-worrying" about his upcoming deployment. I was told on Wednesday (the night I talked to him) by his FRG that Wi-Fi and contact may be minimal when he arrives at his destination. That has weighed on my mind ever since. Obviously huh!!??
I wish I could promise to not over react again. I wish I could promise not to worry or stress. I can't, because I would be lying. What I can promise to do though is to always remember that anything that I have worried and stressed about has NEVER ever been any where near as bad as I had imagined in my mind. I will work on the other 2 though...but I can't promise big changes anytime to come right away. <3
Hoping you all had a good weekend and are in the middle of an even better Monday!
Faith
Friday, September 14, 2012
Hooah!
Hooah (who-a) adj, [slang] used by soldiers,
primarily infantry, airborne, rangers] referring to or meaning anything and
everything except "NO". Once heard mainly from infantry soldiers, hooah has
spread throughout the Army over the years. Soldiers will continue to acknowledge
a mission to be accomplished, a job well done, or any occasion imaginable
with a loud, confident Hooah.
While we were in Huntsville Alabama delivering Jake to Redstone we went to a Wal-Mart to pick him up a few things that he wanted. It was my first time being out in the general public with my son dressed in his Uniform. I find that when I am with him dressed in uniform it makes me stand a little taller. We were waiting in line and this mother and her little girl approached us. Jake sorta moved out of the way and thought that they were just getting closer to him cause of the line being full. What we weren't expecting was what their reason was for approaching him. The mother said, "Can she shake your hand? She loves Soldiers." My heart just beamed with pride. This little girl was probably no more than 6 or 7. She reached her little hand out to Jake and shook his hand with the biggest smile on her face. A tiny whisper of "Thank you" came out of her as their hands parted.
It was a great moment that I was so happy to witness. He had just graduated the day before from BCT and to have him be shown such love and kindness at that time was reaffirming to him that he was where he needed to be, doing what he needed to be doing.
As we were walking back to our van and chatting about that encounter with the little girl another awesome moment took place. A man was walking towards us and as we all reached each other the man let out a "Hooah!" Jake gave a Hooah back as their eyes met. That was all that was spoken as we all kept walking in opposite directions. That one word exchanged by what we assumed to be a Veteran Soldier to our new Soldier was all that needed to be said. It was clear what the word meant to them both.
I will never forget that day. As I think back to that memory on this day my heart is filled yet again with pride. I am proud of not just my Soldier, but proud of the people who recognize the sacrifices and the job that he has committed his life to. It makes me proud to know there are such Americans. Hooah!
It is Friday...have your Red on?
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
While we were in Huntsville Alabama delivering Jake to Redstone we went to a Wal-Mart to pick him up a few things that he wanted. It was my first time being out in the general public with my son dressed in his Uniform. I find that when I am with him dressed in uniform it makes me stand a little taller. We were waiting in line and this mother and her little girl approached us. Jake sorta moved out of the way and thought that they were just getting closer to him cause of the line being full. What we weren't expecting was what their reason was for approaching him. The mother said, "Can she shake your hand? She loves Soldiers." My heart just beamed with pride. This little girl was probably no more than 6 or 7. She reached her little hand out to Jake and shook his hand with the biggest smile on her face. A tiny whisper of "Thank you" came out of her as their hands parted.
It was a great moment that I was so happy to witness. He had just graduated the day before from BCT and to have him be shown such love and kindness at that time was reaffirming to him that he was where he needed to be, doing what he needed to be doing.
As we were walking back to our van and chatting about that encounter with the little girl another awesome moment took place. A man was walking towards us and as we all reached each other the man let out a "Hooah!" Jake gave a Hooah back as their eyes met. That was all that was spoken as we all kept walking in opposite directions. That one word exchanged by what we assumed to be a Veteran Soldier to our new Soldier was all that needed to be said. It was clear what the word meant to them both.
I will never forget that day. As I think back to that memory on this day my heart is filled yet again with pride. I am proud of not just my Soldier, but proud of the people who recognize the sacrifices and the job that he has committed his life to. It makes me proud to know there are such Americans. Hooah!
It is Friday...have your Red on?
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Our World
With all the happenings in Lybia and Egypt yesterday and today I have found myself doing lots of thinking and wondering. The scenes unfolding on the news broadcasts are very disturbing and unsettling. Watching images of our American Flag being torn to shreds, burned, and replaced with a flag that represents an organization that hates our Country is just so hard to see.
I find myself with 2 biggest things twisting and turning in my mind. First, it makes me wonder why our cultures and countries are at odds? I have to admit that I haven't ever until today really taken the time to read up on the Muslim and Islamic faith, beliefs and culture. Second, seeing the images of the last 2 days worries me as an Army Mom. Every time I hear of an uprising or a protest or violence on the news my mind instantly wonders if our own Military men and women will be called upon to intervene.
A high school friend of mine, Christine, asked today the famous question, "Why can't we all just get along?"
I really do not know exactly why we all can't, but I do believe we all won't get along. It seems that hatred, wars, and battles has been around since the dawn of time. Do I wish and pray for peace? Oh hek yes I do. Do I really belief I will see it in my lifetime? No, sadly I do not.
I have to believe that our Country has the best of intentions. I have to believe that where we are in foreign countries that we are doing good. I have to believe that we are helping more people than hurting. I have to believe these things in order to be at a somewhat level of peace in sending my own son off to war. I hope that in time we will start to see positive changes from the things that are happening today in our World.
Today I send you, your family, and your Soldier not only love and support, but also a wish for peace.
Faith
I find myself with 2 biggest things twisting and turning in my mind. First, it makes me wonder why our cultures and countries are at odds? I have to admit that I haven't ever until today really taken the time to read up on the Muslim and Islamic faith, beliefs and culture. Second, seeing the images of the last 2 days worries me as an Army Mom. Every time I hear of an uprising or a protest or violence on the news my mind instantly wonders if our own Military men and women will be called upon to intervene.
A high school friend of mine, Christine, asked today the famous question, "Why can't we all just get along?"
I really do not know exactly why we all can't, but I do believe we all won't get along. It seems that hatred, wars, and battles has been around since the dawn of time. Do I wish and pray for peace? Oh hek yes I do. Do I really belief I will see it in my lifetime? No, sadly I do not.
I have to believe that our Country has the best of intentions. I have to believe that where we are in foreign countries that we are doing good. I have to believe that we are helping more people than hurting. I have to believe these things in order to be at a somewhat level of peace in sending my own son off to war. I hope that in time we will start to see positive changes from the things that are happening today in our World.
Today I send you, your family, and your Soldier not only love and support, but also a wish for peace.
Faith
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Being Tired Makes Everything Funnier
This morning I recalled a memory from our family trip to attend Jake's BCT graduation. We left Maine on a Monday morning REALLY REALLY early...I think it was 3 or 4am... and drove basically non-stop until we were just outside of the Virginia Tech area. Honestly, I can't remember the exact name of the town, I just know that we stopped near where the school is located.
There were 8 of us traveling in 2 cars all day only stopping quickly for bathroom breaks. We arrived at this LaQuinta and checked in to our 3 rooms. We were all starving and tired. The thought of getting back in our vehicles and going to find food somewhere just seemed completely painful.
The hotel advertised a "full menu on-site restaurant"....hmmmm yaaaaaaa, nope!
This very wonderful front desk clerk when asked bout the "restaurant" came from out behind his counter and unlocked a nearby door. A door that I would have believed to be going in to a closet of some sort. He preceded to usher all 8 of us. We entered this room that appeared to be the size of one of their guest rooms converted to a "restaurant". The floor was a tile covering, the walls painted a dark red, and it was fairly full of these cute little black bistro style tables and chairs.
Our family sorta all at once busted out laughing! We were being guaranteed great meals in this little cramped private dining room with nothing more than a closet filled with a mini fridge and microwave. Due to all of us being exhausted we found every little thing about the room, the menu, and the "one-armed paper hanger" worker to be extremely hilarious.
We joked that how special we felt to be in our private restaurant. We joked til the food came out. The food was awesome! We were all very pleasantly surprised at what that front-desk counter person could create from frozen entree's and a microwave :)
It is a silly memory, but a memory we all laugh about to this day. That funny story we all have to share and look back on as part of our adventure to Fort Jackson. I think I have a pic of the "restaurant"....
From left to right are: My mother, (Nana). Back to is my oldest son, Mike. My father in law, Bill, (Pa) and my mother in law, Karen (Grammie).
I hope today you are filled with fun happy memories of time spent with your own family.
Sending you, your family, and your Soldier lots of love and support,
Faith
There were 8 of us traveling in 2 cars all day only stopping quickly for bathroom breaks. We arrived at this LaQuinta and checked in to our 3 rooms. We were all starving and tired. The thought of getting back in our vehicles and going to find food somewhere just seemed completely painful.
The hotel advertised a "full menu on-site restaurant"....hmmmm yaaaaaaa, nope!
This very wonderful front desk clerk when asked bout the "restaurant" came from out behind his counter and unlocked a nearby door. A door that I would have believed to be going in to a closet of some sort. He preceded to usher all 8 of us. We entered this room that appeared to be the size of one of their guest rooms converted to a "restaurant". The floor was a tile covering, the walls painted a dark red, and it was fairly full of these cute little black bistro style tables and chairs.
Our family sorta all at once busted out laughing! We were being guaranteed great meals in this little cramped private dining room with nothing more than a closet filled with a mini fridge and microwave. Due to all of us being exhausted we found every little thing about the room, the menu, and the "one-armed paper hanger" worker to be extremely hilarious.
We joked that how special we felt to be in our private restaurant. We joked til the food came out. The food was awesome! We were all very pleasantly surprised at what that front-desk counter person could create from frozen entree's and a microwave :)
It is a silly memory, but a memory we all laugh about to this day. That funny story we all have to share and look back on as part of our adventure to Fort Jackson. I think I have a pic of the "restaurant"....
I hope today you are filled with fun happy memories of time spent with your own family.
Sending you, your family, and your Soldier lots of love and support,
Faith
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Always Remember and Never Forget
Though the day brings back many sad memories, I also remember that day and the days immediately following as ones that showed the uprise of great unity and pride in our Country. Candlelight ceremonies, lines of those donating blood, countless number of volunteers doing what they could to help those in need. We all came together directly following this day. If only we as a nation, could hold on to those feelings each and every day.
My boys were 11 and 9 when the 911 attacks took place. I didn't shelter them from the images on the television. We all sat and watched the news channels for days on end it seemed. I didn't know for sure what was all taking place, but I knew we were watching history in the making. I knew that from that day forward our country was not going to be the same again. They are part of what is called "The 911 Generation." Here it is 11 years later...that generation has seen our country in more years of War than not. It is their generation that now volunteers at unprecedented numbers to serve and protect our country in our Military forces.
As I sit here and type it is now 9:37am....the exact time The Pentagon was struck....I pause now for a moment of silence....
I am watching the ceremony at The Pentagon televised live. As they just said on the broadcast, not a day goes by that those serving in the Military and/or working at The Pentagon forget the events of 911. For those serving our country it is that day and those events that are the driving force behind their reasons for joining and defending. Their sacrifices come so that those of here at home can find strength and courage in knowing that because of those men and women doing their jobs, we all are safer here at home. They are doing all they can to ensure that we will not be attacked in such a way ever again on American soil.
It gives me great pride to have a son serving and doing his part in keeping not just his family, but every one in this country a bit safer. When he made the decision to join the Army he didn't do so with the hope of making a better life just for himself....he did it with the hope of making it a better life for all of us.
So on this day, Patriot Day, hug a little tighter, love a little more, smile more often, and make it a day that you show our true American Spirit.
Always sending lots of love and support,
Faith
Monday, September 10, 2012
Suicide Awareness Day 2012
September 10th is Suicide Awareness/Prevention Day around the World. The Army has designated the entire month of September to Suicide Prevention. As the poster says, "One suicide is one too many." We lose far too many of our Soldiers to suicide.
Below are links that relate to the issue, prevention, and awareness.
http://www.armyg1.army.mil/hr/suicide/default.asp
http://ptsd.about.com/od/ptsdandthemilitary/qt/hotline.htm
http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/
A Rant Of What Is On My Mind
I started my day out by watching last night's season finale of Army Wives. I really do like the show. I have bonded with the characters over the years. The story lines in each episode touch me. This episode touched me greatly.
I have watched other episodes of the Soldiers being sent off at Fort Marshall for their deployment. I cried then too. This one though brought more than just tears. My heart ached. You know it didn't just ache for me...it ached for all you Mothers out there too. I have been so fortunate to come across so many incredible Mom's online that my heart ached for you all too. I sat thinking of the millions of people watching the show with dry eyes. People that watch it just cause it is "entertainment." So many people watch it and do not relate to the story lines personally. So many are just not aware of the sacrifices that take place every day within a Military family.
Often times friends will ask my "Why do you watch and put yourself through that?" If I share a sad You Tube video about a Soldier people will post, "It brings me too much pain to watch." I read every post from the Department of Defense when our Country has suffered a casualty. I watch nearly every video that is posted of a fallen Soldier returning home.
Why do I do this?
How can I not? That lost life is someone's son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, and/or friend. When it comes right down to it...if it were my son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, and/or friend...I would want EVERYONE to take the time to watch and remember and respect the life lost.
When Denise on Army Wives lost her son, Jeremy, Oh my God I hated the show makers! I promised to never ever watch that damn show ever again! Well you can see that didn't last. I went 2 weeks and ended up watching what I had missed online to catch up.
I am a very emotional sappy worry wart person. I admit that. Being that way also makes me feel not only my pain, but the pain of others. If that is wrong, than as the saying goes, "I don't want to be right." Having compassion and being able to share each others pain is something that we all need to do a bit more of I think.
I had a conversation with our son way back where I told him that I worry about him in the Army, but that he needs to understand I would worry about him if he was still out back playing trucks in the sand pile. It is who I am. It isn't something that is going to change. Us Army Mom's take on a really big tough job when those sons and daughters of ours raises their right hand and swears in.
I can't apologize for my emotional sappy start to my day. To apologize would mean I am sorry for it...and I am not. Crying at something that touches our soul is what keeps us real and keeps us who we are. I am okay with who I am. I just think I should have bought stock in Kleenex years ago! :)
What triggers your emotional days? What helps you deal with them? Surely I can't be the only silly sappy Army Mom!!
Sending you, your family and your Soldier lots of love and support.
Love, Faith
I have watched other episodes of the Soldiers being sent off at Fort Marshall for their deployment. I cried then too. This one though brought more than just tears. My heart ached. You know it didn't just ache for me...it ached for all you Mothers out there too. I have been so fortunate to come across so many incredible Mom's online that my heart ached for you all too. I sat thinking of the millions of people watching the show with dry eyes. People that watch it just cause it is "entertainment." So many people watch it and do not relate to the story lines personally. So many are just not aware of the sacrifices that take place every day within a Military family.
Often times friends will ask my "Why do you watch and put yourself through that?" If I share a sad You Tube video about a Soldier people will post, "It brings me too much pain to watch." I read every post from the Department of Defense when our Country has suffered a casualty. I watch nearly every video that is posted of a fallen Soldier returning home.
Why do I do this?
How can I not? That lost life is someone's son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, and/or friend. When it comes right down to it...if it were my son, daughter, mother, father, brother, sister, and/or friend...I would want EVERYONE to take the time to watch and remember and respect the life lost.
When Denise on Army Wives lost her son, Jeremy, Oh my God I hated the show makers! I promised to never ever watch that damn show ever again! Well you can see that didn't last. I went 2 weeks and ended up watching what I had missed online to catch up.
I am a very emotional sappy worry wart person. I admit that. Being that way also makes me feel not only my pain, but the pain of others. If that is wrong, than as the saying goes, "I don't want to be right." Having compassion and being able to share each others pain is something that we all need to do a bit more of I think.
I had a conversation with our son way back where I told him that I worry about him in the Army, but that he needs to understand I would worry about him if he was still out back playing trucks in the sand pile. It is who I am. It isn't something that is going to change. Us Army Mom's take on a really big tough job when those sons and daughters of ours raises their right hand and swears in.
I can't apologize for my emotional sappy start to my day. To apologize would mean I am sorry for it...and I am not. Crying at something that touches our soul is what keeps us real and keeps us who we are. I am okay with who I am. I just think I should have bought stock in Kleenex years ago! :)
What triggers your emotional days? What helps you deal with them? Surely I can't be the only silly sappy Army Mom!!
Sending you, your family and your Soldier lots of love and support.
Love, Faith
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Where We Have Been
When Jake joined the Army one of the first conversations that my husband and I had was about our desire to see every place during Jake's Army career that he is assigned to. So far to date we have accomplished that. Hmmmm can I buy a flight to Afghanistan? If it was possible, I am betting there would be many planes that would land there plum full of Military Mom's! It may sound silly, but I am always more at ease when I have a visual in my head of "where he sleeps" at each place he has been at. Being able to picture him going in to the building...seeing his window...it just makes this Army Mom feel better.
I thought today I would share some of my favorite pics from the places that we have visited since the beginning of his Army life.
First visit was to Fort Jackson, South Carolina for his BCT graduation.
Fort Jackson Headquarters
His barracks while at BCT
His first AIT location was Redstone Arsenal in Huntsville, Alabama. We were fortunate enough to get to take him via POV there after BCT.
The building he was assigned to at Redstone
Outside of the door at Redstone.
From there he moved to Eglin Air Force Base at Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
His barracks at Eglin....see his window?
The training center at Eglin where spent many hours.
Yup, Destin wasn't tough to take at all!
His next AIT location was Fort Huachuca, near Tucson, Arizona.
We weren't able to go there until he graduated and was finished, but it was a really nice area and great trip with him!
This was his barracks in Prosser Village
The training facilty at Fort Huachuca for UAS
We headed out at midnight the day of his graduation. Cross country from Arizona to Florida. We stopped for a quick visit at my mother in law's and then we left his car there and flew home. It was a fun time having him stuck in a car with us for that length of time!
His first duty station assignment is at Fort Stewart, near Savannah, Georgia. His grandmother and I were able to go visit shortly after he got settled in. Savannah is a beautiful area also for visiting. His Dad is looking forward to seeing Fort Stewart next month when he gets to visit.
Headquarters at Fort Stewart
His barracks at Fort Stewart.
Warriors Walk at Fort Stewart in January.
His next assignment I will not be seeing for myself. I will rely on him for a few pics of where he will be sleeping, eating, or working.
Traveling to these places has been all great adventures for our family. It is something I look forward to for many more years to come.
Have a great weekend...Happy Saturday to you, your family, and your Soldier!
Faith
I thought today I would share some of my favorite pics from the places that we have visited since the beginning of his Army life.
First visit was to Fort Jackson, South Carolina for his BCT graduation.
His first AIT location was Redstone Arsenal in Huntsville, Alabama. We were fortunate enough to get to take him via POV there after BCT.
From there he moved to Eglin Air Force Base at Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
His next AIT location was Fort Huachuca, near Tucson, Arizona.
We weren't able to go there until he graduated and was finished, but it was a really nice area and great trip with him!
His first duty station assignment is at Fort Stewart, near Savannah, Georgia. His grandmother and I were able to go visit shortly after he got settled in. Savannah is a beautiful area also for visiting. His Dad is looking forward to seeing Fort Stewart next month when he gets to visit.
Headquarters at Fort Stewart
His barracks at Fort Stewart.
Warriors Walk at Fort Stewart in January.
His next assignment I will not be seeing for myself. I will rely on him for a few pics of where he will be sleeping, eating, or working.
Traveling to these places has been all great adventures for our family. It is something I look forward to for many more years to come.
Have a great weekend...Happy Saturday to you, your family, and your Soldier!
Faith
Friday, September 7, 2012
Wear Red Fridays - Showing Support For Our Troops
Simple ways to show support and respect for our troops was the backbone of a conversation I had this morning. I went in to talk to our local Town Manager, who also happens to be an old friend and who happens to be an Air Force Mom :) We talked about the placement of yellow ribbons to town owned poles in our Downtown area. Our town has several young men and women serving our Country. These simple yellow ribbons would help raise awareness to their sacrifices as well as offer a small show of support to our local troops. The conversation preceded to talk about the upkeep of American Flags through out the town. We both agreed how great it is so see flags waving in our community, but how sad it makes us to have some of those flags torn and really in need of being properly disposed of. As Town Manager she makes it one of her concerns that all of the flags displayed on town owned poles are in good condition. It is important for the town to be the roll model for its citizens when it comes to showing proper support and respect for our troops.
Every Monday morning in a part of our area known as "Chisholm square" there are a small group of people who gather and hold American Flags. Some are Veteran's and some are community members who do their part in supporting our troops. A simple act that means so much.
Over the summer one of our own Soldiers from our town was injured while serving Afghanistan. She graduated from our local high school in 2007 and joined the Army shortly after. It gives me great pride to tell of the events that our community members did to raise funds and raise awareness for this Soldier and her family. "Toll booths" were held for a few days on our major road coming in and out of town. Donations were accepted from anyone riding by who wished to help. Maine's own First Lady appeared in our July 4th parade as a show of support and respect for our injured local Soldier. Just last month a spaghetti supper was held to raise more funds to help in any way that is needed in her recovery. Simple acts that can do so much.
I do not live near a Military base. I have at times thought that our area was very out of touch with the sacrifices of those who serve our Country. Nothing makes a small town come together and rally around one of its own like a tragedy does though. When there is a need, there are those who are always willing to step up and help.
Small Town living isn't too bad at times :) Does your town or area do special things to support your local troops? What things brings your town together to honor and respect those serving our Country?
Sending you, your family, and your Soldier lots of love and support!
Faith
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