I like all of you heard the first reports of the shootings in CT while going about my everyday normal events on Friday. I listened with maybe half my attention at first. The news channel was my background noise as it is most days while doing my daily chores. When that image came across the screen of those little children leaving the school with their arms all on each others back and their eyes closed and that one girl in the middle of the line just scared and crying so much came on....wow....it grabbed all of my attention at that moment. I sat down and didn't move myself away from the news reports until much later in the day.
Tears streamed down my face as the report came in that yes, little children were shot and killed in that school. 20 little babies. Children. What? No, we don't do that in our country. They must have it wrong. They will find out the reports were wrong and let us know. It didn't happen that way. It now appears that the news reports sorta built us up to that dreadful final death toll. Easing us in to the reality of what did just take place in a little small safe community here in our country.
My heart hurt. My chest physically ached and my stomach felt sick. As a mother, as a citizen, as someone who believes that we are still the best country there is, I couldn't wrap my mind around that unimaginable thing just happened there.
My mind thought about my own son's. I thought about as an Army Mom as much we don't say it, we all live with knowing that every day our son is in harms way. Everyday I know I could lose him. It is just how we live now. It is the choice he made. He is doing what he wants to do. He is in harms way, but yet he is armed, he is trained, he is doing what he is supposed to be doing. If anything ever ever ever was to happen to him, I would be completely beside myself....but it would be such a different feeling than what those mothers are going thru right now in CT. Their babies were doing what they wanted to do also....they probably skipped and laughed and joked all the way to school that morning. That age loves school! They wanted to be there. No one ever EVER thinks while dropping their child off at school that they won't be alive when school is released later that day. That is what I kept thinking all day....as an Army Mom I have that thought....but as a mom of a kindergarten student I never did. I realize that folks say you can't think of the worst happening even to our Soldiers. I get that and I agree. But my point is in seeing the difference in how some parents have those thoughts of loss come to them and try to deal with them and wonder how we would react and how we would feel...we prepare for the worst knowing and praying that it will never happen. Those mothers that morning the worst thing they had in their mind was maybe their child would be pushed down on the play ground or something....not what happened.
I continue to watch the news. I will continue to hear the stories of those that were taken from us that day. I do this not to welcome the sadness, but to honor and respect the loss of lives. If it were my child, I would want you all to see their faces, see the people that they were....it is the least I can do. \
I don't know what each one of us can do to prevent this from ever happening again, but I hope we figure it out soon. No parent should ever have to bury their child. No family should ever have to go thru that pain.
Do something good. Do something positive. Share a smile. Share something somehow....let's all do something in a way that honors the lives lost. Work at making this world the place that those little children believed it was.
Much love to you all, your Soldiers, and your families at this time.
Faith.
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