Each visit that Jake has had home since June of 2010 has been filled with great excitement and anticipation. THIS visit comes with excitement, anticipation, and a whole bunch of underlying feelings. The joy of having him home seems to be sharing the spotlight with the buried feelings of worry and dread in me. Each day I know we are getting closer to the big day. Each day I find myself trying to distancing myself from the reality of it.
I have read the "Army Family Deployment Readiness" booklet he brought home. I have had to discuss things with my son that no parent ever wants to talk about with their children. I have done the planning for the big send off party. What I haven't done yet is figure out how in hell I am going to release my arms from his neck when the day arrives.
Maybe I can convince myself he is heading off back to his duty station just like last time. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just down south and that I just can't go see him there for longer than I ever have in the past. Maybe I can convince myself that he is just in his hanger with all his buddies safe and sound all winter long.
Ya, maybe.
I'll let ya know how that goes.
Sending love and support to you, your family, and your Soldier.
Faith
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