The visit has come and past. One of the things I love the most about having him home is that as soon as he lands here it feels like he has never left. I always hope that it will continue that way. The visit wasn't filled with plans every day, it wasn't filled with agenda's, it was filled with just letting him be him. It was filled with me loving him being him.
We had to do the required legal "stuff". I got the uncomfortable questions out of the way his very first night home. My wish was to get it all done immediately so that we wouldn't be dealing with such sad dreadful issues near the end of his visit. It felt strange to me that we are constantly told to stay strong. Focus on all the good and positive thoughts only. Yet here we are talking about wills, burial plots, power of attorney's and his survival with our 20 year old son. We did it, it is done, we stayed strong.
My oldest son works for a tree removal company. With the arrival of Hurricane Sandy it created a bit of a wrinkle. My oldest son called me mid week and told me he was headed within the hour to New York and would be gone for up to 2 weeks. That meant that I wouldn't have any more time this visit with having both my boys together. Boom. That hit me hard. I rushed with our Soldier to a parking lot where his brother promised he wouldn't leave until we got there. I stood and watched my boys say "cya later". I won't share their actual words exchanged because that should be kept private between them, but I will share that it was a sight that as a Mother filled me with such pride and overwhelming sadness all at once. "See ya next year." Since it is November, next year isn't that far away...but in this case "next year" is what seems like a lifetime away.
I had waited a bit before I had planned his going away party. So course it was fitting that it wasn't planned until the day before he left. I am not a last minute person, but in this case it felt right making it delayed as long as possible. To say that we had a nice turn out would be putting it mildly. I was and still am so amazed at the amount of people who came to wish him well. Friends and family filled the garage all afternoon. Lots of food was brought in. Lots of pictures were taken. It was a happy gathering. I had kept wondering how I would get thru such an event. As it turns out the old saying about being stronger than we think for is really true.
I am an only child and my husbands one brother and one sister isn't close with my two boys. Yet on this day I looked around the building and realized that my Soldier had many Uncle and Aunt figures there supporting him. My husband and I are surrounded with an incredible core group of friends that have adopted our Soldier as their own nephew. Family isn't about blood. Family is about love.
That afternoon of the party one of my friends who has been thru sending a son off to war repeated to me several times, "You will be strong for him in the morning because he needs you to be." I kept saying and thinking that I just didn't know how I could be. I doubted myself and my ability to physically release my arms from his neck and turn and walk away. She kept reassuring me that I would in fact do it.
I don't feel just yet today that I can fully express my feelings and that morning of the "drop off" at the airport. I can tell you though that I am proud of myself for staying much stronger than I had thought I would. My friend was right, I did it because it was the best option for him. I did shed a few tears, but I didn't fall completely apart like I had once thought I might! As a Mother I made the choice to do what he needed.
Army Mom Strong isn't just a slogan for me.
I have missed my blog. I will keep sharing. I thank you for supporting me in the many messages and well wishes that I have received. The journey is just beginning and I am very thankful for having you all along for it. :)
Love, Faith
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